It’s easy to claim to be empathetic, compassionate, forgiving, and unconditionally kind when we’re dealing with people who are easy to like and love. The hard work sets in when we’re asked not only to exhibit grace and respect towards the people who challenge us the most but also contend with the question: “Am I, too, a difficult person? I have been told fairly frequently that I’m “difficult” and perhaps that harks back to my youth. Let me explain…
Readers of The Hames Report rated ‘The Hames Doctrine’ among their favourite posts. The Humanity Code is an addendum to that original post, outlining 20 tenets to which I have adhered for the past 67 years. Yes, it sounds very precise but for a reason.
In such a noisy, perverted and puzzling world as ours, where complexity is relentlessly amplified, and the demands of existence shift daily, finding a moral compass to guide each individual’s journey has become more essential than ever before.
Through the ages a number of people have come up with rules for living a moral life, starting with Moses and his “Ten Commandments” and continuing to this day with outspoken celebrity psychologist Jordan Peterson. As for me I have always tried to abide by what I called a ‘humanitarian code’ - my personal expression of what it means to be a sentient human being living in harmony with others.
This ‘Humanity Code’ was originally an entry in my diary drafted 67 years ago - a day before my 13th birthday, when I was struggling to make sense of a world that seemed alien yet somehow beautifully empty and quiet. In the twists and turns of a career that nobody could have possibly foreseen, this code has served as a compass, offering a set of principles designed to anchor my sense of ‘self’ amidst the turbulent trajectory of contemporary life. These twenty tenets are intended not simply as rules to live by. They have deliberately incorporated reflections of what I judge to be timeless wisdom, distilled into practical insights that aspire to elevate my daily life and interactions.
Each tenet within this code is crafted to remind me of my shared humanity and the profound impact of my actions and words. From the importance of trust and the respecting of confidences to the necessity of pursuing my passions with unyielding commitment, these guidelines have encouraged me to live a life of integrity, respect and compassion. Even today, they remind me that my interactions—whether with loved ones or strangers—carry weight, and that every moment is precious, offering an opportunity to affirm my belief in humanity as a force for good.
The Humanity Code emphasises that true self-worth is not derived from superficial measures but from our ability to connect meaningfully with others and to act with purpose and kind intentions. It recognises the balance between self-care and altruism, the wisdom in seeking advice, and the strength in acknowledging our vulnerabilities by asking for help. It underscores that our words and actions should always align with the deepest truth, reflecting a reverence for ourselves and all other living things.
By adopting these tenets, I have tried to build a foundation of trust, foster deeper connections, and contribute positively to my community and the world at large. I have often described my task as ‘making the world work for everyone’. Consequently, this code is a guide to nurturing a life of authenticity and compassion, providing clarity in moments of uncertainty, but also a constant reminder of the principles that sustain a fulfilling existence of unbounded integrity.
As you explore these tenets, may they inspire you to lead a life marked by integrity, respect, and genuine kindness. The Humanity Code is a gift to you, an invitation to embrace the principles of ‘ecority’ [ecology +integrity] as you deal with the dynamic complexities of your own life - encouraging you to leave a legacy of compassion and to foster a world where everyone’s worth is recognised and worthy of being celebrated.
1. Never betray a confidence, to do so is to invite mistrust.
Trust is the cornerstone of every meaningful relationship and interaction. When someone confides in you, they are extending a profound level of trust, tantamount to a sacred bond. The act of sharing a confidence is an acknowledgment of vulnerability and an invitation to support. Betraying this trust, even once, can lead to a cascading effect of mistrust, not only in the immediate relationship but also in your broader social and professional circles. Such a betrayal can damage your reputation and question your integrity, leading people to question your reliability and sincerity. Upholding this tenet means fostering a culture of honesty and respect, where people feel secure to share their thoughts and feelings with you, knowing they will be met with understanding and discretion.
2. Love what you do or do something else. Pursue your passions utterly or not at all.
This life is a finite journey. Spending it on endeavours that don’t stir your soul is a disservice to yourself and your potential. When you engage wholeheartedly in activities and careers that you love, you don’t just experience personal joy and satisfaction; you also inspire those around you. Your passion becomes a catalyst for creativity, fuelling not only your growth but also contributing positively to your surroundings. If you find yourself on a path that leaves you feeling unfulfilled or drained, it is crucial to muster the courage to change course. Seek out the things that ignite your spirit and make you come alive. This pursuit of passion is not just about happiness; it’s about uncovering your potential and making a meaningful impact in your world.
3. Embrace moments of solitude, but don’t deny such moments to others.
Solitude is a powerful catalyst for introspection and self-awareness. It offers you the opportunity to disconnect from the hurly-burly of the external world and reconnect with your inner self, fostering a deeper understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and innermost desires. These moments of quiet reflection can lead to significant personal growth and clarity in decision-making. However, it’s equally important to recognise that others also need their moments of solitude. Respecting this need in others shows empathy, allowing them the space to reflect and recharge. This mutual respect for solitude strengthens relationships by acknowledging and honouring personal boundaries and the need for self-care.
4. Seek advice only from wise individuals who have experienced life to the full.
Wisdom is often the product of diverse experiences and the ability to navigate life’s twists and turns with grace and resilience. When seeking advice, it’s important to turn to individuals who have lived fully and learned from their experiences. These wise mentors can provide insights that are not just knowledgeable but deeply rooted in practical experience. Their guidance can offer new perspectives, helping you to avoid common pitfalls and make informed decisions. Aligning yourself with mentors who inspire and share your values can enrich your personal and professional journey, offering support and encouragement as you walk your path.
5. Avoid arguing from a position of ignorance, or with a dullard.
Engaging in arguments without a thorough understanding of the subject can lead to frustration, confusion, and unnecessary quarrels. It‘s important to educate yourself and approach discussions with an informed perspective. Similarly, engaging in debates with individuals who are unwilling to acknowledge facts or consider different viewpoints is unproductive. Avoid them. Instead, focus on constructive conversations where all parties are open to learning and growth. Encourage dialogue that is based on mutual respect and a genuine desire to understand, rather than simply to win an argument.
6. Self-sufficiency is comforting. Resist giving in to excess with all its snags.
Cultivating self-sufficiency fosters independence and resilience, allowing you to rely on your innate abilities and resourcefulness. This sense of autonomy can be empowering, providing a foundation for confidence and self-reliance. However, it’s important to resist the lure of excess, which can lead to clutter, complacency, and an unhealthy convergence on material accumulation rather than true contentment. Strive for balance in all aspects of life, recognising that simplicity often leads to clarity and peace of mind. True contentment arises from sufficiency; appreciating what you have and making the most of it, rather than constantly seeking more and more stuff.
7. Treat everyone you meet with the same openness and respect.
Every person you encounter is experiencing their own unique challenges and deserves to be treated as you want to be treated - with kindness, understanding and respect. By approaching interactions with an open heart and an open mind, you contribute to a more compassionate world. This openness encourages authentic connections; it creates a ripple effect of positivity, enhancing the quality of your relationships and the communities of which you are a part. By valuing each individual, regardless of their status or background, you foster an environment where everyone feels seen, heard, and appreciated.
8. Defend your views while respecting others’ rights to have opposing views.
In a richly diverse world, differing opinions and perspectives are inevitable. It’s important to stand firm in your beliefs and values, yet approach disagreements with deference and an open mind. Engaging in dialogue with those who hold opposing views provides an opportunity for growth and learning. It allows you to refine your arguments and understand the subtleties of differing perspectives. By acknowledging and appreciating others’ rights to their own views, you cultivate an environment of mutual respect. This paves the way for cooperation, novelty, and the possibility of finding common ground.
9. Spend quality time with loved ones and tell them you love them often.
Relationships are the essence of a meaningful and fulfilling life. Prioritising time with the people who matter most to you strengthens your emotional bonds and creates lasting memories. These moments of connection provide a comforting sanctuary, enriching your life with joy and nurturing self-confidence. Regularly expressing love and appreciation to your loved ones reinforces these ties, reminding them of their importance in your life. This practice not only nurtures your relationships but also contributes to your own overall well-being, curating a network of support that you can rely on when facing life’s challenges.
10. There are no failures. Learn from every experience and reframe any regrets.
Life is a continuous journey of learning, and setbacks are an inevitable and valuable part of growth. Instead of viewing failures as negative, see them as helpful opportunities for learning and development. Each experience, whether ultimately “successful” or not, offers lessons that can inform your future decisions and actions. By reframing regrets with a focus on what you have learned, you empower yourself to move forward with resilience. This mindset encourages a positive outlook on life, where challenges are seen as stepping stones to greater understanding and achievement.
11. Honour and value loyalty, but not to the extent that it leads to deceit.
Loyalty is a cherished virtue, signifying commitment and trustworthiness in relationships. However, it’s crucial to balance loyalty with honesty and integrity. Blind loyalty that requires deceit or compromises your values can undermine trust and lead to negative consequences. Uphold loyalty within the bounds of truth and transparency, ensuring that your commitments don’t conflict with your principles. By maintaining this balance, you cultivate affiliations built on genuine trust and mutual respect, where loyalty is a strength rather than a liability.
12. Believe in something meaningful and beautiful.
Having beliefs or causes that inspire and uplift you provides direction and purpose in life. Whether it’s a spiritual belief, a commitment to social justice, environmental conservation, or an appreciation for art and beauty, these passions can offer solace during challenging times. They serve as guiding lights, driving you to make a positive impact in the world and aligning your actions with your values. By investing in meaningful pursuits, you enrich your life with purpose and contribute to a better world.
13. Care for the ‘more-than-human’ world in the same way you care for your child.
Our planet is a shared home, and its well-being is essential for the survival and prosperity of future generations. Cultivating a deep love for nature and all living beings recognises the interconnectedness of all life. By nurturing the natural environment and advocating for its protection, while ensuring that the built environment also embraces nature, you contribute to a legacy of sustainable stewardship. This mindset encourages responsible actions that prioritise the health of our planet, ensuring that it remains a vibrant and thriving home for all its inhabitants.
14. Ask for help when needed, this is a gift from others to you.
Seeking help or asking for directions is not a sign of weakness but rather an recognition of your limitations. By reaching out for support, you allow others to share their expertise and assist you in overcoming challenges. This openness reinforces bonds and fosters a sense of community, reminding you that you are not alone in your journey. Accepting help often leads to personal growth, opening the door for reciprocal kindness, and allowing you to offer your support to others when the opportunity arises. It creates a cycle of giving and receiving, enriching both your life and the lives of those around you.
15. Show gratitude whenever kind-heartedness is shown to you.
Gratitude is a transformative force that enriches your life and relationships. When someone extends kindness to you, acknowledging it with gratitude honours their gesture and reinforces the positive interaction. Expressing appreciation not only strengthens connections but also encourages more kindness in the world. By cultivating a habit of gratitude, you generate a positive cycle of goodwill, enhancing your interactions and contributing to a more compassionate society.
16. Be as helpful to strangers as you are to your friends and neighbours.
Acts of kindness should not be limited to those within your immediate social circle. Small gestures of assistance to strangers can have a profound impact, spreading compassion and nurturing a sense of harmony in society. By extending your willingness to help others, you contribute to a more caring world. These acts of kindness, no matter how small, demonstrate empathy and understanding, promoting a culture of love and support.
17. Making others’ days happier will enhance your own happiness.
There is intrinsic joy in brightening someone else’s day. Acts of kindness can elevate your mood and create a sense of fulfillment. When you focus on the happiness and well-being of others, you cultivate empathy and connection, contributing to a positive environment that benefits everyone around you. This outward focus on creating joy in the lives of others often reflects back, enhancing your own sense of happiness and contentment.
18. Compete with yourself before competing with others.
Personal growth and progress are best measured against your own talents, achievements and potential, rather than by comparing yourself to others. By setting personal goals and working diligently towards them, you foster self-awareness and resilience. This inner focus helps you appreciate the uniqueness of your journey, recognising your strengths and identifying areas for enhancement. Competing with yourself encourages a mindset of continuous development and self-improvement, allowing you to celebrate your achievements and learn from your challenges without the pressure of external comparison.
19. Show people they matter by greeting them with a smile.
A simple smile can convey warmth, acceptance, and acknowledgment, making others feel valued and appreciated. It’s a universal gesture of kindness that can break down barriers and foster connection, even in brief encounters. By greeting others with a smile, you’re creating a welcoming atmosphere and encouraging positivity in your interactions. This small act of kind-heartedness can have a significant impact, enhancing your relationships and contributing to a more friendly and empathic world.
20. Before you speak, make sure it’s the truth, needs to be said, and is kind.
Words hold immense power, capable of uplifting or harming. Before speaking, it’s important to consider the truthfulness, necessity, and kindness of your words. Ensuring that your communication is both honest and relevant demonstrates respect for the listener and the situation. Speaking with kindness fosters trust and understanding in your relationships, creating a foundation for meaningful dialogue. By being attentive to your words, along with the tone of your voice, you contribute to a situation where communication is respectful. This enhances both personal and professional interactions.